The One and Only

[Kid Kaos]

The arena goes dark as the IWFtron comes to life with the image of limo pulling up to the back of the arena. The door of the limo opens and out steps Kid Kaos. As he glances around, Sonnier comes running up, microphone in hand. Sonnier bends over and takes several deep breaths. Kaos laughs slightly.

"Take it easy, fat ass... that was a long run."

After a few seconds, Sonnier stands up straight and puts the mic in Kaos' face.

Sonnier: Kid Kaos, its been a long time since you have been seen in or around a wrestling ring. What...

Sonnier trails off as Kaos jerks the mic out of his hand and pushing him out of the way. Kaos takes his sunglasses off and stares into the camera.

"So I've been gone a long damn time and I really wish i could say I'm surprised at how things are going. You know, they say the more things change, the more they stay the same. Truly, that is accurate statement. Sure the promotions name has changed but thats about it. AJ is still a goofy bastard, Whitey is still a worn out pot head, everyone still pales in comparison to the glory of myself and all the fans are still ignorant rednecks."

The fans can be heard booing as Kaos chuckles at his own remark.

"So here I am, back again, but this time I won't be the nice guy. This time I'm going to shed some blood and by the time I'm done, the Thames River is going to run red!"

Kaos throws the mic at Sonnier and pushes the camera man out of the way as he storms into the arena.

[Anthony Jordan]

"Going to turn the Thames to blood, huh? Wow, that is a lot of blood. You plan on murdering every Englishman you see?"

*"The Role Model" enters the scene and gives his goofy grin. Kid Kaos sees his old friend and accepts a hand slap from his fellow USCW alumni.*

Sonnier: "It's like old times!"

Kaos: "Hell yeah!"

*With that, Kid Kaos hits Sonnier in the face with a kick, which knocks him out. Jordan looks on in shock.*

Jordan: "Was that necessary?"

Kaos: "We both have a disease, and you know it."

Jordan: "Yes, I want to beat up fat people, too, but I restrain myself."

*Kaos shrugs as Jordan peers outside.*

Jordan: "Nice limousine, Eric, took out a second mortgage to rent it?"

*Kaos frowns.*

Kaos: "I'm starting to remember why I turned on you."

*Jordan gives his goofy grin.*

Jordan: "Just remember that your knees with a history of blowing out are going to become an issue before my head with its history of concussions."

*Kaos looks at the nonexistent watch on his wrist.*

Kaos: "Wow, less than three minutes talking again, and you said 'blow.' That's gotta be a record."

Jordan: "Huh?"

Kaos: "Nothing."

*Jordan scratches his head and shrugs.*

Jordan: "But if you are for real about coming back, remember your USCW-gers."

Kaos: "My what?"

Jordan: "Boy, you betta learn yo'self!"

Kaos: "Still so sure about the status of your brain, Champ?"

Jordan: "Just showing the struggle we face."

*Kaos shrugs as Jordan looks at Sonnier, who is still out.*

Jordan: "You are not going to steal his wallet, are you?"

*Kaos frowns again.*

Kaos: "That's something Whitey would do, and I'm as poor as you are heterosexual!"

Jordan: "Whoa, you have really fallen on hard times then."

*Kid Kaos has to laugh at that before redirecting the conversation.*

Kaos: "Speaking of Whitey, where is he?"

Jordan: "I try not to keep tabs on him. The less I know; the more I can deny when I am testifying in court without the fear of perjury."

Kaos: "Nice."

Jordan: "But do let me take this opportunity to tell you about who all can trust around this place, and that boils down to Whitey and me. Donzig may be one of my best friends, but that does not mean I trust him further than I can throw him. I am still upset he sold me out to win the World Title."

Kaos: "You can't trust your own best friend? That doesn't say much about you."

*Jordan shakes his head.*

Jordan: "It is a complicated relationship. Just do not trust him. The same goes for the Wife Beater. He is complete trash. He hits women."

Kaos: "Sounds like my kind of guy."

Jordan: "Michael Windsor might look all cute, but he is a total snake. He may look like Matt Damon, but underneath it all, he is Ben Affleck!"

Kaos: "What the fuck does that mean?"

Jordan: "Do not understand it, just do it!"

Kaos: "MJW? I'm into girls, okay."

Jordan: "I did not mean Michael...wait, you are straight?"

*Kaos tries to laugh, but winds up slapping Jordan in the back of the head.*

Jordan: "Owwww! I was just saying you dated some butch gals in Long Beach."

Kaos: "It's Long Beach, dick face! You try finding a hot chick who won't give you crabs!"

Jordan: "I am abstinent, so I have no fear."

Kaos: "Of being gay."

*Jordan returns the slap in kind now. Kaos grabs the back of his head.*

Kaos: "Fucker."

Jordan: "Watch out for B-Rock, too."

Kaos: "Brock?"

Jordan: "Do not call him that! If we tolerate him today, we are accepting him tomorrow, and I just cannot do that."

Kaos: "Why not?"

Jordan: "He is a young, skinny jerk who thinks the world revolves around his life dedicated to money and women."

Kaos: "Uhh...yeah, that scoundrel!"

*Jordan nods. Kaos lets Jordan's oblivious nature work to his advantage this time.*

Jordan: "In short, welcome to IWF. Hope to see you around. Maybe you will last longer than a Morningstar return."

*Kaos doesn't get the joke, and Jordan notices this.*

Jordan: "If you had stuck around, you would understand the joke. The joke was genius, so it is your fault for not getting it."

*Kaos glowers at Jordan as "The Role Model" walks away. Does anyone else welcome him to IWF?*

[Jake Seven]

A hand is place upon Kid Kaos's shoulder from behind. The camera pans back as Jake Seven is standing behind the new talent with a smile on his face. Seven is dressed in a suite and has a clip board in hand as Kaos looks him up and down.

[Jake Seven:] So I hear you're the new kid. My name is Jake Seven. I am a former Television Champion, so I know what it takes to succeed in this company. Where as I have retired from in-ring competition for the time being, you'll be hard pressed to find me slacking off as just last week I was appointed General Manager of the compa---

An empty water is thrown from off screen and hits Seven in the head.

Voice: Hell, you're not the bloody General Manager!

Seven turns around, holding the back of his head.

[Jake Seven:] I'm sure you've met my close and personal business associate, Ringmaster?

Kaos nods

[Jake Seven:] He claims he owns this whole business. But between you and me, we both knows where the power lies. Everything runs through me here. Ringmaster can't really handle it all, so he turns to me whenever he needs help. So, would you mind answering a few questions for me? Who you are, where you're from. Sexual orientation? If you're gay we will give your own locker room, and seclude from the heterosexual talent on roster. The IWF does not promote homosexuality, pornography, the use of drugs or alcohol, or disrespectful obscenities of any kind on it's show. We represent only quality television Mr. Kaos. So if you feel you can not follow these rules, I will escort you to the door.

Kid Kaos nods his head as if he understands him.

[Jake Seven:] If you follow these rules, you'll on a path of gold in no time. Some people to stay away from are Anthony Jordan, he's gay. Donzig has blaent disrespect for any authority figures like myself as well as cusses a lot to the dislike of many of our fans, and Shamus. He's a drunk. As stated before, none of these qualities will get you very far here so please for your sake abstain from finding yourself in situations with them. I know the Uncrowned World Heavyweight Champion, Croc, is a thrill to hang around with. Just the only night he was telling myself and Ringmaster about the time he was with three girls in one night. Although I didn't understand what he meant when he called them 'dirty'. By the way he sounded they were rather well kept. And of course when I'm not busy with important IWF matters, I am always up for a dashing game of solitaire or a night of karaoke as well.

Kaos looks the least bit interested in these offers.

Kid Kaos: Sounds..uhh..fun. I'll be sure to eventually take you up on that offer. But right now, I need to uhh..rest up in case I get a big match on the PPV you know?

Kaos looks around to see if there is anyone else he can talk to.

[Jake Seven:] Alright, sounds like a plan. You need to keep in shape around here. I have a feeling we'll get along great!

Does Kid Kaos find anyone else to talk to?