IWF will never have this!

[Anthony Jordan]

AJ-version

((This is an alternate reality, sadly I swear I'm not on anything, this just came to me while in the bathroom. I've been laughing all day.
You need to know this:
Luke Harris - Ric Flair
Anthony Jordan - HHH
Andy Sheehy - Randy Orton
Bill - Batista
Timmy Tabor - Shawn Michaels
Most of this was based off the member profiles. Andy just fit the Orton size mold (and he works there, too!). Bill is the biggest, so obviously he is Batista. Luke is a bit too large for Flair, but I'm sure he works it well. Me, I am the Game.))

*Inside McDonald's, it is dark as it is early morning. Suddenly, sparks start falling from in front of the main double doors. The doors bust open and in walks Evolution. Luke Harris leads the way strutting like Ric Flair. He is wearing manager clothes under his bathrobe. He turns around and starts bowing down. Anthony Jordan walks in wearing sunglasses (despite it being dark) and a nice looking McDonald's uniform. He is carrying a trophy with a spatula on top which Luke points to and "WOOOOOOOs." In his other hand, AJ has an open bottle of water. With his arms out like Randy Orton, Andy Sheehy walks in and spins around. Finally, Bill walks in and pops his neck. AJ smiles and leads the group to the back. Behind the register, AJ turns around and takes a swig of water. He throws the bottle away and spits it into the air. Luke gets on the mic and addresses the empty restaurant.*

Luke: "SHUT UP! This is the greatest group going in the fast food industry. You got our enforcer. A mountain of muscle, BILL!"

*Bill steps up and grins. He flexes a bit and steps back.*

Luke: "My God, what a man! Next is the hottest young star in all of fast food! All the ladies need a little vitamin A. Go ahead, Andy, show 'em what you got!"

*Andy does the Randy Orton pose and spins around. He then smiles with his pearly whites.*

Luke: "Finally, it is the man. He is a nine-time Golden Spatula winner! He is 'The Man.' He's taken the ball from me and is a certifiable legend! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! By God, he is the very best at what he does, AJ!"

*AJ takes off his sunglasses and puts them in his pocket. He smiles and hands the trophy to Luke. AJ gets on the mic.*

AJ: "Like I say every work day, I am that damn good!"

*Evolution claps.*

AJ: "I've destroyed all restaurants in our way. Burger King, Wendys, and all the rest. They can have it your way, but here, it's AJ's way!"

*Evolution claps again as Luke "WOOOOOs" and looks like a bobblehead.*

AJ: "We're always ready for a day of work. Andy, get to the fryers! Bill, get to the grill! Luke, hit the coolers! Me, I'll be in the break room!"

*Evolution takes off to their tasks. Andy speaks to Bill.*

Andy: "Isn't Luke the manager?"

Bill: "Yeah, but he's insane. Ever since his restaurant closed and he came to McDonald's, he's been AJ's bitch."

*Luke struts up to the coolers and opens the door.*

Luke: "WOOOOOOOOOO! It's cold, but we need some patties!"



**Later on in the day.**

*After Bill stocks the buns, the buns man comes up with a clipboard to Luke.*

Buns man: "Sign this, sir!"

*Luke goes to sign it when AJ walks up.*

AJ: "Who do you think you are?"

Buns man: "I'm the buns man. I just need the manager to sign for the order."

AJ: "Think you're going to talk to me like that? I am the Golden Spatula Winner!"

*Luke "WOOOOOOOOs" and struts. AJ gives a cocky smirk to the buns man and signs the paper. He then drops the clipboard and knees the buns man in the gut. He turns around in pain only to be driven to the concrete with a vicious Spinebuster from Bill. AJ, Bill, and Andy start giving the buns man some boots to the head and chest while Luke applies the Figure Four and "WOOOOOOOOOOs". After a beat down, AJ picks up the clipboard and drops it on the buns man's chest. Evolution raises each other's hands as AJ yells.*

AJ: "DON'T MESS WITH EVOLUTION!"

**A day later.**

*A trainee walks up to Luke. Luke is rambling about Space Mountain to some female customers, but turns around.*

Trainee: "I'm here to work, sir."

Luke: "Who do you think you are?! You may have gotten a job at McDonald's, and that makes you great. You are not a legend, though! You're a virgin, and we're going to make you scream!"

*The trainee gulps and walks to the back where Evolution is waiting.*



**Two weeks later.**

*The buns man is back. He is sporting a crutch and his face is bandaged up. He comes up to the registers from the back looking for AJ. AJ walks over smirking. Luke is strutting behind the registers not taking any orders. The customers look pissed and ask themselves why they come here.*

AJ: "Some people never learn."

Buns man: "Please, I'm not here to fight. You are the Golden Spatula Winner. Just please sign this."

*AJ takes the clipboard and signs the papers while smiling. He grins and hands them back.*

AJ: "Who am I again, bitch?"

Buns man: "You are the Golden Spatula Winner."

*AJ smiles as Luke "WOOOOOOOOs."*

Buns man: "Until Timmy Tabor takes it away."

*AJ's smiles turns into a look of fear.*

Buns man: "You didn't sign buns order. You signed a contract to defend your title against Tabor. Right here, RIGHT NOW!"

*Luke is spazzing out and throws down his bathrobe and kicks it. AJ is screaming "NO." He doesn't have much time as Timmy Tabor, in a Burger King uniform, drives over the counter and starts pummeling AJ with punches. The trainee walks up and makes Luke go to the customer side of the registers. Luke protests, but leaves. The trainee tells Bill and Andy to keep their distances. The customers are going nuts and start a "Timmy" chant. Timmy lets up on his punches and takes Luke's bathrobe. He puts it around AJ's neck and starts to choke him. Luke stands up on the counter. The trainee can't get him down, but Timmy gets up and throws Luke his robe and pushes him off. Timmy is talking smack to Luke, so Luke picks up a ketchup container and throws it. Timmy ducks, and it hits the rising AJ. Ketchup is all over AJ!*

Customer 1: "Less than five minutes into this and AJ is sporting the crimson mask!"

Customer 2: "AJ is a 9-time champion. He'll come back!"

*A "Holy Shit" chant breaks out as Timmy grins evilly. Timmy climbs on to the counter. He then leaps off and delivers an elbow drop to the champion. He covers AJ. The trainee counts, but only gets a two. Luke is still spazzing out on the other side of the counter. Andy tries to run in, but the trainee stops him. With his back turned, Bill runs in and smacks Timmy in the face with the metal lettuce holder. Timmy is now bleeding! Luke claps and is under control.*

C1: "Underhanded tactic by Evolution!"

C2: "Why do you think they've kept the trophy this long?"

C1: "Timmy won't give up, and the rest of the costumers are solidly behind him!"

*AJ is up first and throws a Happy Meal off the brown tray. AJ winds up with the tray, but the trainee takes it way. While he is distracted, Luke throws AJ a Monopoly pin. AJ loads his fist and delivers a hard punch to Timmy's face. AJ puts the pin in his pocket and covers. The trainee counts. ONE, TWO, Timmy kicks out! The crowd cheers as AJ looks pissed. AJ picks Timmy up and whips him to the fryers. Timmy his the device hard. AJ runs in, but gets grease to the face as Timmy picked up a fry cooker and tosses. AJ is rolling around and screaming in pain! Timmy goes to the front of the registers and starts tuning up the band. Bill tries to interfere, but the trainee stops him. Andy comes in from the side and grabs Timmy's wrist. Spinning him around, Andy hits the ASKO (RKO)! He pulls AJ on top. Luke celebrates as the trainee makes the count. ONE, TWO, THR...TIMMY KICKS OUT!*

C1: "What heart by the challenger! Few men kick out of the ASKO!"

C2: "With a slow count like that, anyone could. C'mon, trainee!"

*With both men rising, Luke spears Timmy! The trainee has had enough and KICKS LUKE OUT OF MCDONALD'S! Luke is livid and is forcing the trainee to shove him out the door.*

C1: "About time!"

C2: "How unfair is this?"

*Timmy is up again and so is AJ. Out of nowhere, Timmy hits Sweet Chin Music! The customers are going nuts! He covers AJ, but the trainee is still busy with Luke! The trainee finally gets Luke out and runs over to make the count. ONE, TWO... Bill kicks the trainee and breaks the count. The crowd is booing loudly. With a hard Clothesline, the trainee is out. Bill picks Timmy up and stuffs him between his legs. Bill goes for the Bill Bomb, but Timmy jumps off! Bill turns around and BAM! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Bill is out. Andy runs in looking for another ASKO, but Timmy shoves him off. Andy turns around and BAM! SWEET CHIN MUSIC!*

C1: "Luke's banned, and half of Evolution is out! Timmy's going to win!"

C2: "GET UP, AJ!"

*The roof is almost blowing off McDonald's, but a lot is out of Timmy and he collapses to all fours. Timmy finds the strength to get up and turn around only to receive a kick to the gut. AJ locks in the Pedigree to loud boos. AJ hits the Pedigree! He covers, but the trainee is still out! AJ wakes the trainee up and drags him over. He counts. ONE, TWO, THRE...TIMMY KICKS OUT!*

C2: "NOOOOOOO! AJ HAD IT WON!"

C1: "It's not over, yet!"

*AJ looks scared as he has no tricks left. He kicks the trainee, but turns his attention back to Timmy. AJ whips Timmy into the grill. AJ goes in for a Stinger Splash, but Timmy moves and AJ HITS THE GRILL! AJ screams in pain and is doubled over trying to cope with his burns. It isn't for long because Timmy sizes up and NAILS A 2ND SWEET CHIN MUSIC!*

C1: "SUPERSIZE THAT SWEET CHIN MUSIC! TIMMY TOOK AJ'S HEAD OFF WITH THAT ONE!"

C2: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*Timmy covers, but the trainee can't crawl over as Andy has his foot. Timmy goes to free the trainee, but is blindsided by Bill! Bill clotheslines Timmy onto the grill! Timmy rolls off, but is in a lot of pain! Bill then picks Timmy up and nails a Bill Bomb onto the floor. Bill picks AJ up and slaps him back into reality. AJ gives Bill some instructions, and the monster runs off. AJ picks up Timmy and NAILS A 2ND PEDIGREE! Bill brings the trainee over as AJ covers.*

C2: "Tabor is out! It's over!"

C1: "Find a way, Timmy!"

*The trainee counts. ONE, TWO...THREE! Bill picks AJ up, and they celebrate! Andy wobbles over, and Luke reenters McDonald's "WOOOOOOOOing" and carrying the trophy. "Evolution" plays.*

C1: "You had to believe Timmy had the trophy won twice, if it wasn't for Evolution!"

C2: "I love it when a plan comes together!"

*Luke notices the time, and they all clock out leaving Timmy out on the floor. AJ rubs the trophy in Timmy's face before walking out.*

C1: "What a show! I wonder how the evening shift is."

*Blue light flashes over McDonald's as MTMT walks in with a tazor. Ripper, Chris Smith, and Chris O'Neal all follow.*

C2: "You had to ask."

[Anthony Jordan]

O'Neal version

ONeal walks around the counter, seemingly not happy to be working at the McDonalds..An Elderly lady approaches him...


EL- " Can I please have a small coffee sir..."



ONeal can obviously hear the lady but ignores her...



EL- " And can I please get the senior citzen discount ? "



ONeal sighs and looks over his shoulder to MTMT who is pissing in the french fry holder....


" Matt, hand me that thing..."



MTMT turns around with his penis out and laughs as he tries to hand it to ONeal...



" THE TAZOR ASSFUCK ! "



MTMT smirks and hands ONeal the tazor. As quickly as ONeal recieves the tazor in his hand he violently jerks the weapon into the ladies throat ! People in the restraunt gasp as the lady falls on the ground in convulsions....



" I gotta take a shit....SMITH !! Come help this woman..."




An unknowing Chris Smith walks out to the counter...



CS- " Yes, how can I help you ? "

[Anthony Jordan]

Whitey version

Loudspeaker: WELCOME KMART SHOPPERS. PLEASE DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TO THE FLASHING BLUE LIGHT IN THE MIDWAY OF THE STORE.

::Its late at night at Kmart, and who walks in? None other than the great Kevin! He strolls up to the counter, and slams down a fistfull of dollars and quarters. Chris Smith is still at the counter, and greets Kevin with a friendly voice.::

Chris Smith: Welcome to McDonalds, sir! Nice entrance music...I am a faggot! Please don't hate me. What would you like for your meal today?

::Kevin sniffs, and pretends to clean his fingernails on his red shirt as he leans against the counter, back to Chris Smith.::

Kevin: A McGriddle! A Sausage, Egg, and Cheese McGriddle! Or is it McSkillit?

Chris Smith: No, your right, it is McGriddle...but I'm sorry, we don't start serving breakfast until the morning, sir.

Kevin: So what do you suggest I get?

Chris Smith: Well, for a mere three dollars, you can have a very special burrito--

Kevin: NO! No burritos.. Thats a gay joke waiting to happen. What about a Whopper? NO! Another gay joke waiting to happen! Ok...hmm...what could be completely non-gay sounding?

::Chris Smith ponders on this, then shrugs his shoulders.::

Chris Smith: A salad?

Kevin: YES! Brilliant, you queer! Give me three salads, and make sure their tossed with extra special care! Don't be too rough on those salads, boy!

Chris Smith: YES SIR!

::Smith runs out back, unzipping his pants. Kevin just stares after him for a moment...then throws up on the counter. He realizes what he has done, and yells around.::

Kevin: MANAGER! CLEANUP AT REGISTER TWOOO!

::A feint cry can be heard from the bathrooms.::

Chris O'Neal: I'M STILL ON THE SHITTER, ASSFUCK!

Kevin: SHUT UP, ASSPONY!

::Crazy Bill storms through the doorway, food stuck to his fat face.::

Crazy Bill: THATS MY WORD, FUCKTARD!

::Kevin screams a perfect Homer Simpson cry, and takes off for the bathroom. Bill would have caught up to him, but his great gut got caught in between the booths and cost him valuable seconds...that and Kevin can fly and just went over all the tables with one jump. He enters the bathroom, and rattles the first door.::

Chris O'Neal: ITS OCCUPIED! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

::Kevin strokes his chin thoughtfully, having a great idea. He hides in the next stall over, closing the seat and standing on it so his legs can't be seen. Crazy Bill runs inside the bathroom, and looks under the stalls. He see's legs under stall number one, and dives into the door, taking it out and flying inside. A scuffle can be heard, and Whitey runs out of stall number two laughing. Chris O'Neal shoves Crazy Bill out of the stall and shuts the door, swearing at him profusely.::

Chris O'Neal: You stupid motherfucker! Faggot!

Crazy Bill: Oh, I'm a faggot!? EVERYONE WHO THINKS THAT CHRIS O'NEAL LOVES TO SUCK COCK, GIMME A FUCK YEAH!

::The camera pans out for a seconds, viewing all of the known world. A massive, echoing "Fuck Yeah!" comes from everyone in the world. Meanwhile, back at the counters of McDonalds, Kevin is waiting for his salads. Chris Smith comes out with a shit eating grin on his face, giggling like a school girl. He sets the salads on the counter. Whitey is about to pay for them, not noticing the "secret sauce" that Smith used to help him toss the salads...when Ripper walks in. He laughs at Kevin.::

Kevin: Whats so funny?

Sean: I know why they call you Whitey now!

Kevin: Why?

Sean: MTMT! Lights!

::The lights shut off, and Whitey's skin is glowing in the dark.::

Sean: Your so white that you really DO glow in the dark!

Kevin: LIGHTS!

::The lights pop back on.::

Kevin: Fine, Ripper. You got me. As a consolation, take my salads!

Ripper: OH BOY!

::Sean, being the glutton he is, dives on the salads, devouring them in seconds. Kevin walks out of McDonalds, having accomplished nothing. Chris Smith stares at Ripper long after he's done eating with a dreamy look.::

Chris Smith: Marry me?

::Sean only stares at him for a second...then punches Smith so hard that his teeth fly out of his mouth. Smith grins.::

Chris Smith: So much easier to suck pen--

Ripper: NO!

::Ripper runs out of McDonalds as well, disgusted about what he almost heard.::

[Jake Seven]

In the words of Luke Flair

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

to that thread.

[Anthony Jordan]

Kyle version

Sometime in the distant future...

The Night Watch of McDonald's are bored. Due to the unfair actions of the Day Watch, McDonald's has unfairly developed a poor reputation. In particular, Luke's constant taking off of clothing and offering to "pop" the hamburgers has left many cosumers extremely disatisfied.

Bored, MTMT is frying chips with his tazor. Smith is trying to break into the happy meals to take the little toy. Chris is busy using the "secret sauce" to...well, you don't really want to know. It's been a while since anyone has seen Ripper, when suddenly he burst into McDonald's...

Ripper - I know what to do, to take back our store...and regain our dignity!

Ripper looks around him, and realises he's looking at a tazor freak, the gayest man since Elton John and a sober Steve Ausin.

Ripper - Well, when I say "our dignity"...I really mean mine. Anyway, there's only one thing to do!

The BWA Night Watch huddle...with Ripper whispering and the rest getting all excited. Smith get's a little to excited though, so Ripper lays him out with a stiff kick to the head. No, I meant the other head. And if the thought of Ripper touching Smith's head doesn't make you feel sick, there's something wrong with you.

*The next day...*

*Inside McDonald's, it is dark as it is early morning. Suddenly, sparks start falling from in front of the main double doors. The doors bust open and in walks Evolution. Luke Harris leads the way strutting like Ric Flair. He is wearing manager clothes under his bathrobe. He turns around and starts bowing down. Sheldon Reese walks in wearing sunglasses (despite it being dark) and a nice looking McDonald's uniform. He is carrying a trophy with a spatula on top which Luke points to and "WOOOOOOOs." In his other hand, Reese has an open bottle of water. With his arms out like Randy Orton, Timmy Draven walks in and spins around. Finally, Jonny Veigns walks in and pops his neck. Sheldon smiles and leads the group to the back. Behind the register, Reese turns around and takes a swig of water. He throws the bottle away and spits it into the air. Luke gets on the mic and addresses the empty restaurant.*

Luke - Hey...wait a second, didn't this already happen?

Reese walks up to Luke, whispers something in his ear, and smiles.

Luke - Err...plot holes don't need to be explained in wrestling? I can do that. Anyway...

Suddenly, "Evenflow" blares over the loudspeaker, and AJ walks in. AJ is decked out in a McDonald's uniform, and is looking angry.

AJ - Reese, you stole my spot, and my trophy! I want them both back!

Luke - I thought you retired?

AJ shrugs, and just looks at Luke.

Luke - Oh yeah, plot holes and wrestling again. Gotcha.

Suddenly, Timmy hits Veigns with a low blow and a superkick.

Timmy - YES! Dramatic, unexpected FACE turn!

Luke turns around, when suddenly Nelson Mandela walks into McDonalds. Before he can say anything, Timmy hits him with a superkick.

Timmy - YES! Dramatic, unexpected HEEL turn!

Luke - You know, Timmy, for those to work you kind of need to be be a heel or a face for a while before turning.

Timmy looks down, thinks about it, and hits Luke with a superkick.

Timmy - YES! Dramatic, unexpected FACE turn!

With that, the BWA NIGHT WATCH emerges through the door! MTMT is armed with a tazor, O'Neal has a toilet seat and Ripper has a 2x4...but he's kind of chewing on it.

Ripper - You want a war? You got a war!

Ripper spits the 2x4 at the fallen Luke, and does the NWO "2sweet" hand signil.

Randomly, Hardcore Fred walks in.

Fred - Gimmick thief!

The whole resturant turns and looks at Fred. Fred has a confused look on his face.

A.J - Hello, I was here first! As I was saying,...

A.J is on the end of a Draven superkick.

Timmy - YES! Dramatic, unexpected HEEL turn!

Because nothing is making much sense anyway, VINCE MCMAHON walks into McDonalds.

Vince - God'damn, I just brought this place out with my 50% in salary! Forget the fact that my wrestlers are living on a reduced pay and my company has lost 78% of it's worth, I deserve a raise because I'm Vince MCMAHON DAMNIT!

Timmy get's a weird look on his face, but suddenly tries for a low blow on Vince with a cry of "YES!"...but only clutches his hand in pain.

Vince - When is the world going to learn, I have GRAPEFRUITS OF STEEL! As I was saying, this place is going to be called McMahonalds now! Remeber, all good things come in threes...that's why I'm renaming our most sucsessful product the HHHappy meal!

Fred gets a big smile on his face at this.

Fred - Finally, recognition!

Vince looks at Fred strangely, and mutters something about gimmick infrindgement before continuing.

Vince - Anyway, I'm going to take our winning formula and run it into the ground! I'm going to hire chefs who have never worked in the food industry before because I don't think passion for a product is necessary! I'm going to get rid of our most tasty products, because they're to tasty and we don't want anything to outshine our HHHappy meal!

For those of you keeping score, the BWA NIGHT WATCH, Reese, Fred and Vince are still standing. THE BWA NIGHT WATCH attack Vince with thier various weapeons. Vince falls to the ground, crying out..."HHHelp!"

The lights dim...that unforgettable opening riff hits...the resturant hold his breathe...as HHHe appears! YES, walking through the door, it's the Game!

HHH - HHHA HHHA! I am HHHere Vince!

From the floor, with a last burst of energy, A.J shouts out...

A.J - You jobbed to me!

HHH looks at A.J, and with a small "pop", vanishes from sight.

Ripper - What?

Taz - Well, the thought of jobbing caused such personal trauma to HHH that he now ceases to exist.

The whole wrestling universe celebrates.

Ripper - Uh, just what exactly are you doing here?

Taz - It was this or Smackdown!

Ripper - Point taken.

Suddenly, the NIGHT WATCH remember why they're here.

NIGHT WATCH - We arn't gonna take it anymore! We demand respect!

Sheldon Reese looks around himself, and just throws his trophy to the group.

Reese - I've had enough! I don't care, I'm leaving.

Reese leaves.

Ripper - That was easy.

MTMT - To easy.

*Insert dramatic music here*

O'Neal - Wait...what's that sound?

Out of the kitchen, CROC emerges! As always, the spotlight (or in this case, the flashlight) is on him!

Croc - Ah ha, NIGHT WATCH, you thought you could get away without a fight!

Ripper - I thought you were a face now?

Croc - Just go with it.

Croc has with him a sledgehammer, and as everyone knows, a man with a sledgehammer NEVER loses, so he makes quick work of the NIGHT WATCH!

Croc - Yes, the CrocShow lives forever! All the attention! All on me! All attention...on me...

But, from behind, Taz hits Croc with a belly to belly suplex that sends Croc out the window.

Taz - I've had enough of this crap.

Taz walks out the door and decides to do what he should have done a long time ago...hair dressing!

Some time later...

Brandishing a vibrating dildo, CHRIS SMITH makes his dramatic entrance!

Smith - Ha ha, you guys, always kidding around with me. Those directions to the gay bar? Classic. Of course, then I remebered, I worked here so I came and...

Smith looks around himself, to see everyone has either been laid out or left.

Smith - Oh.

Suddenly, Smith is hit with a superkick.

Timmy - YES!

[Kyle Heaven]

oh god it lives



i've always wondered why i didn't include myself in my own story

[Anthony Jordan]

I find it ironic that Timmy and I fought in my story. A precursor of things to come.

[Assassin]