Post by 'The Superstar' Sheldon Reese on Jul 16, 2008 3:54:31 GMT -5
The capacity crowd does their best to stay awake while two jobbers trade shots in the center of the ring.
Suddenly, music filters through the speakers.
CROSS: What's going on here?
VENTURA: It can't be...
The song playing is the Theme Song from the Academy Awards. The house lights go out, plunging the arena into darkness. A second later, five large white spotlights begin to circle the arena in random circles. Through passing glimpses, two IWF workers can be seen rolling a red carpet down the ramp.
VENTURA: Is this really happening right now?
CROSS: I wish I knew what this meant. What's going on here Jesse?
VENTURA: This is Sheldon Reese's music!
CROSS: You mean 'The Superstar' Sheldon Reese? A-list celebrity and multi-time BWA and CWA World Champion, Sheldon Reese?
VENTURA: The one and only, Cross!
The murmur of the fans in the arena goes silent as a large explosion ignites at the top of the ramp and the lights come back on. The crowd gives a mixed reaction, some recalling Reese's nefarious deeds of days past, other simply excited to see him back in the arena.
VENTURA: Yes! There he is! It is real!
Sheldon Reese is standing atop the ramp in a black suit and tie, red undershirt and of course, his everpresent trademarked mirrored shades. He grins smugly as he takes in the crowd's warmer than usual reaction.
CROSS: Folks, this is one hundred percent unscripted... I wish I knew what the legend ss doing here, but like all of you at home, I'm just going to have to wait and see...
Reese allows the crowd noise to dwindle and then raises the microphone.
SHELDON REESE: Well wow. Clearly you are all far more excited to see me than I am to see you, but hey...
Reese shrugs.
SHELDON REESE: I can't really blame ya. If I was forced to watch and support subpar talent for the past year like you guys have been, I'd probably be eager to see someone with real talent too...
VENTURA: Hahaha!
CROSS: So this guy doesn't really care if he makes enemies, is that it?
VENTURA: He just calls 'em like he sees 'em Cross, but no, he doesn't care if people like what he has to say. An enemy to Sheldon Reese is not a position many people desire...
CROSS: I've heard stories.
VENTURA: I'm sure you have. There's plenty to go around.
SHELDON REESE: Now, I'm sure half of you are wondering what I'm doing back and the other half are wondering when I'll leave. To the latter, don't worry. Since the stench in here is telling me you people have yet to figure out how to work your showers, I'm gonna try to keep this quick... My nostrils can only endure so much.
VENTURA: Hahaha!
SHELDON REESE: To the rest of you that are wondering why I'm here, it should be obvious...
A murmur rises from the crowd.
VENTURA: Haha! Yes! Time to reclaim the World Championship!
SHELDON REESE: Two words... Contractual obligations.
CROSS: What? I happen to know for certain that Sheldon Reese is not under IWF contract!
SHELDON REESE: The terms of my contract are clear and they require a minimum of one appearance per year. Lucky for all you people, today just happens to be the-
A cell phone rings. The tone is "Money Money 2020". Reese pulls the phone out his pocket, but addresses the crowd before he answers it.
SHELDON REESE: Hang on just a minute, I gotta take this. It's my manager.
Reese presses the phone to his ear.
SHELDON REESE: This is Reese. Go.
His brow furrows.
SHELDON REESE: Really?
He looks around the arena, perplexed.
SHELDON REESE: No shit, huh? So it's null and void? Well, you wanna go grab a beer or something then? Okay, I'll meet you there.
Reese closes the phone and shoves it back in to his pocket before reraising his microphone.
SHELDON REESE: Well apparently my contract was with the CWA exclusively. When the CWA folded, my contract was voided which means I'm under absolutely no obligation to be here right now. That being said... I'm gonna bid all you peons farewell but fear not, you can get your daily dose of Superstar at your local movie theatre any time you need a fix. Go check out 'Sex with Loaded Weapons' and 'Honor Among Thieves', both out now and both starring yours truely!
VENTURA: So he's not back to fight?
CROSS: Doesn't sound like it.
VENTURA: I bet every single one of those chumps in the Championship Open just breathed a collective sigh of relief backstage when Reese made that announcement... And with Anthony Jordan's halitosis, you know that'll take a while to air out...
Just as the Academy Awards Theme Song begins to start up...
Suddenly, music filters through the speakers.
CROSS: What's going on here?
VENTURA: It can't be...
The song playing is the Theme Song from the Academy Awards. The house lights go out, plunging the arena into darkness. A second later, five large white spotlights begin to circle the arena in random circles. Through passing glimpses, two IWF workers can be seen rolling a red carpet down the ramp.
VENTURA: Is this really happening right now?
CROSS: I wish I knew what this meant. What's going on here Jesse?
VENTURA: This is Sheldon Reese's music!
CROSS: You mean 'The Superstar' Sheldon Reese? A-list celebrity and multi-time BWA and CWA World Champion, Sheldon Reese?
VENTURA: The one and only, Cross!
The murmur of the fans in the arena goes silent as a large explosion ignites at the top of the ramp and the lights come back on. The crowd gives a mixed reaction, some recalling Reese's nefarious deeds of days past, other simply excited to see him back in the arena.
VENTURA: Yes! There he is! It is real!
Sheldon Reese is standing atop the ramp in a black suit and tie, red undershirt and of course, his everpresent trademarked mirrored shades. He grins smugly as he takes in the crowd's warmer than usual reaction.
CROSS: Folks, this is one hundred percent unscripted... I wish I knew what the legend ss doing here, but like all of you at home, I'm just going to have to wait and see...
Reese allows the crowd noise to dwindle and then raises the microphone.
SHELDON REESE: Well wow. Clearly you are all far more excited to see me than I am to see you, but hey...
Reese shrugs.
SHELDON REESE: I can't really blame ya. If I was forced to watch and support subpar talent for the past year like you guys have been, I'd probably be eager to see someone with real talent too...
VENTURA: Hahaha!
CROSS: So this guy doesn't really care if he makes enemies, is that it?
VENTURA: He just calls 'em like he sees 'em Cross, but no, he doesn't care if people like what he has to say. An enemy to Sheldon Reese is not a position many people desire...
CROSS: I've heard stories.
VENTURA: I'm sure you have. There's plenty to go around.
SHELDON REESE: Now, I'm sure half of you are wondering what I'm doing back and the other half are wondering when I'll leave. To the latter, don't worry. Since the stench in here is telling me you people have yet to figure out how to work your showers, I'm gonna try to keep this quick... My nostrils can only endure so much.
VENTURA: Hahaha!
SHELDON REESE: To the rest of you that are wondering why I'm here, it should be obvious...
A murmur rises from the crowd.
VENTURA: Haha! Yes! Time to reclaim the World Championship!
SHELDON REESE: Two words... Contractual obligations.
CROSS: What? I happen to know for certain that Sheldon Reese is not under IWF contract!
SHELDON REESE: The terms of my contract are clear and they require a minimum of one appearance per year. Lucky for all you people, today just happens to be the-
A cell phone rings. The tone is "Money Money 2020". Reese pulls the phone out his pocket, but addresses the crowd before he answers it.
SHELDON REESE: Hang on just a minute, I gotta take this. It's my manager.
Reese presses the phone to his ear.
SHELDON REESE: This is Reese. Go.
His brow furrows.
SHELDON REESE: Really?
He looks around the arena, perplexed.
SHELDON REESE: No shit, huh? So it's null and void? Well, you wanna go grab a beer or something then? Okay, I'll meet you there.
Reese closes the phone and shoves it back in to his pocket before reraising his microphone.
SHELDON REESE: Well apparently my contract was with the CWA exclusively. When the CWA folded, my contract was voided which means I'm under absolutely no obligation to be here right now. That being said... I'm gonna bid all you peons farewell but fear not, you can get your daily dose of Superstar at your local movie theatre any time you need a fix. Go check out 'Sex with Loaded Weapons' and 'Honor Among Thieves', both out now and both starring yours truely!
VENTURA: So he's not back to fight?
CROSS: Doesn't sound like it.
VENTURA: I bet every single one of those chumps in the Championship Open just breathed a collective sigh of relief backstage when Reese made that announcement... And with Anthony Jordan's halitosis, you know that'll take a while to air out...
Just as the Academy Awards Theme Song begins to start up...
